We were on Lonsdale Street when a group of loud, drunk white men stumbled in front of us. Our study shows that ethnicity plays an important role in heat pain threshold and pain report, South Asian males demonstrated lower pain thresholds and higher pain report when compared with matched White British males. My mom assumed the position of financial and familial authority, and my dad supported that dynamic entirely, taking on the role of raising my sister and me at home. If I knew, maybe I would still be able to speak two languages. I read and read and read, and through my reading, I found comfort in these scholars who had experienced what I had: The man in the bookstore started asking questions, but his first one was: How did your parents respond to you being a lesbian?
There were no differences in cold and warm perception between the two groups. Did they grow up like me, thinking I could never be beautiful because of my Asian-ness, my small eyes, flat face and flat nose? Whenever the rice got too low in the bowl, they would add water to make the illusion that there was more food. I value my independence, financial and otherwise, and have always been drawn to men who find my independence to be empowering, not emasculating. This time, I was in a bookstore. Data was analysed using t-test, Mann-Whitney and repeated measures analysis of variance as appropriate. Growing up in an extremely religious Korean household, almost everything was forbidden. Fortunately, instead of minimizing my concerns, my current boyfriend a white male listens to my grievances and makes a conscious effort to advance the cause of racial and gender equality. I tried East Meet East. It was 11pm; we were in the city and walking back to his place. Granted, he was more muscular and taller, but when things like that happened, I became much more afraid of losing him because I thought that I was easily replaceable. I fell into Gender Studies, critical race studies and took classes called, Genders and Desires in Asia, Race and Asian American Literature, a history subject that traced the patterns of migration in Australia. We were silent on the way home. Not the other passengers who watched from their train seats, and definitely not my mother. By the time I was twelve, I stopped eating the lunch my mother packed, and I started researching plastic surgeons that could turn my flat Chinese nose into a beautiful white nose, my small Asian eyes into round double-lidded eyes. Are you really from Australia? You are so beautiful. My mother had always told me that bad things would happen to bad girls. Cold and warm perception and cold and heat threshold were assessed using an ascending method of limits. I think the pecking order is something along the lines of: What have your experiences been like dating newly arrived Asian immigrants? My mother is very adamant and not discreet in her disappointment that I have not yet found a nice Vietnamese man to date. It happened years ago. When people call me the n-word on the street, there are certain words I want to hear from my friends. As I grew older, I realised that ten-year-old me had wanted to be Claudia Kishi because she was the only character whose family looked like mine, who stuck out like a sore thumb in the whiteness of her fictional town Stonybrook. I developed body dysmorphia.
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